There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
