Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
