i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
