those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
