I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
