What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
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I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
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I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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