i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
