I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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