im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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