the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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