i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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