did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.