I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in