I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
