I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
