Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
