u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
