I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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