so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
