he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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