I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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