can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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