Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
