it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
