Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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