I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
