After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
