He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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