new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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