It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
