2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
