the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
