Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
