I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
