I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
