my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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