Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
soo... how was my night?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
