yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
