Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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