hotel room ftw
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
