Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
