just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You're a waste of cheezeits
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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