You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
