Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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