what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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