highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
