If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
