great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm passing your future prison.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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