Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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