I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
