She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
