oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
