the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
