I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
