I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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