Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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