I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
