he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
