Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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