Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
