Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
