My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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