I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize