i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
