I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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